Everybody who has come along for the past five days could conclude that I do not talk about what happened. My mom, for instance, patronized me for it: she doesn't come close to talking about it because maybe she's afraid I'll explode, a thing she has not seen (and I did it twice - Thursday and Saturday -, indeed).
Why? I don't know. I seriously don't have a clue on it. But this is funny now... Why? Again, I don't know.
I have some kind of height fear, whatever this illness is called, and I have always had. I get terrified when I look down. I feel really dizzy. Now I can't even be close to the windows. Again and again, the reason why is unknown.
There are things about my feelings no one knows and there are things about THIS specific episode I'll never say. Maybe my new traumas are related to them. It's fresh in my mind and its presence in my everyday makes me ache really bad. I just wanna get away as soon as possible.
I've heard people talk about depression as if you can't at least pretend you're okay, as if you have to be crying and thinking crap 24-7. Seriously, what did that come from? Bullshit, pretty bullshit!
Do I look okay? Yes, I do.
Do I say I'm okay? Yes, I do.
Am I okay? No, I'm not okay.
And let me be clear about it NOW: if I had to do something stupid I would have done it 3 years ago, so y'all got no point on it today. =)
That's all.
Nenhum comentário:
Postar um comentário